6 Steps to Improve Your Relationship with Your Self

Why is it that the relationship we have with ourselves as the last one on our list? We prioritize everyone else before ourselves. We need to prioritize our relationship with ourselves.

If you’re not doing this and need to know how to improve your relationship yourself here are six easy ways that you can become your own best friend.

1. Practice Self-Awareness

Practicing self-awareness is more than just understanding how you feel on a certain day. Self-awareness is the ability to identify your strengths but also your weaknesses. If you learn about your specific weaknesses, you learn how to improve them.

Being self-aware is not about being self-critical it is about recognizing the things that you do well in the areas that you can improve. Understanding the things that may make you unique or quirky is also important to become self-aware. Don’t be embarrassed by your uniqueness just understand that it is part of who you are.

2. Plan the Perfect You

To improve the relationship we have with ourselves is to plan the perfect person that we want to be. You want to write freely about who you would like to be. Do not edit this! Think as freely as you want about how you would like to act, behave, work, think, look, and feel. Write this in the present tense, as if you already are that person.

Then take small steps to ensure that you become the ideal you. Some of the thoughts on your “perfect you” list may seem impossible but are quite attainable if you break them down into small steps. All the things that you would like to do may be attainable when you break them down into bite-size chunks.

3. Listen Critically

For some reason, our self-talk can be ruthless and critical, mean girl style. Understanding that this can happen is essential to improving the relationship that we have with ourselves. Psych Central encourages you to think deliberately and logically and use your inner voice to speak kindly about your behaviors, beliefs, attributes, and habits.

You wouldn’t let someone else speak like that to you, so why would you allow it from yourself? You would stop them and correct them when they were wrong. You need to do the same to your own inner voice. No matter what negative things come out of that spot in your head, use critical thinking and listening skills to correct the BS.

4. Ditch the Cliff Dive Scenario

A Cliff dive scenario is a form of cognitive distortion, and it’s when you use terms as always or never, nothing or everything. This kind of thinking is toxic to your relationship with yourself because in life there are usually hundreds of gray areas.

Avoiding thinking about alternatives or different solutions to the problem can make you feel insecure. Feeling insecure and stuck can make you anxious and disappointed with yourself. If you notice your thinking regarding cliff diving scenarios, make sure you try to examine different ways to get down from the cliff.

Can you walk? Can you repel? Is there a ladder? While not every scenario is diving from the cliff, you can relate the gray areas to this idea when you present yourself with all or nothing thinking.

5. Look on the Bright Side

Negative self-talk is one of the biggest reasons we have a poor relationship with ourselves. Ditching negative self-talk is going to be the easiest way to improve your relationship with yourself. Simple tweaks in the language will drastically improve how you view yourself and the world around you.

The Huffington Post highlights the perfect example on how to do this. Instead of saying “I’m so disorganized” or “I never get anything done” you should train yourself to say “I’m having a thought that I’m not going to get it done.” Instead of saying “I am so stupid” you should try saying “I had a moment where I did feel stupid.” These small changes will drastically change how you view yourself.

6. Put Yourself First

Be your own best friend and biggest champion, forever and always. There is no one else in the world that can take better care of you than you can. This means that you must respect and address your needs desires and boundaries. Self-care is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship with self.

Now you have many tools to change a relationship with yourself. Don’t overwhelm yourself start with one and soon you will know yourself better than anyone else in the world.


Never underestimate how amazing you are. 

Liz Lima Venus Warrior

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