Key Steps to Finding Your Independence
You have some dependency on someone or something. So do I. I’m not pointing fingers, but it happens. It could be with some coworkers, or certain friends or family. And usually, we allow their opinions and beliefs to shape our decisions. It can even be so bad that at some point we lose sight of who we truly are. Sadly, a lot of people don’t even become totally independent; instead, they form the behaviors and feelings from everything around them (i.e. people).
What does it mean to be independent? It means you are the author of your life. You set the rules that you live by, and you own your thoughts, feelings, perceptions, opinions, and reality.
You are so confident to be yourself. You are who you are, and you have the self-awareness to know what it is that you want in life.
This true independence comes from your self-love. We covered self-love in this post -> Self-Love post.
When you don’t trust you, it’s hard to trust your own decisions. When you don’t trust your own decision, you are completely open to allowing other people to define how you behave and how you are.
Are you ready to find your independence?
Do these steps and get your strength back!
1. Get to Know You
None of this can be done if you don’t even know who you truly are.
Ok Liz, how do I do that? (I hear you, don’t worry).
This isn’t like the diary you had in sixth grade.
A small journal where you can pour your thoughts out in it and reflect on your day and what had happened throughout it. It can take 15 minutes.
Look over what you’ve written and be honest with yourself!
Did you truly speak your truth? Is there a gap between what face you show the world, and how you feel inside?
Example: do you keep saying yes to things you don’t want to do- what can you learn from that?
2. Challenge Your Beliefs
Don't be afraid to question your own opinions, beliefs, and assumptions. A lot of these are formed opinions through habit and we never really stop to see if they reflect our true feelings. We allowed our perspective to be shaped by external sources and we fail to reevaluate the perceptions that we have built. You can't evolve if you're not willing to change!
3. Proclaim Yourself
Proclaiming yourself is a powerful way to improve your self-esteem and boost your life! And this comes with practice, so don't worry if you are already saying to yourself "I can't do that". Yes, you can.
4. Be in Control
You MUST make decisions for yourself.
Do you struggle with this?
Here is an easy example: You have a day off, how do you spend it? What activities, hobbies, or passions that you love would you want to fit into that day? In any free time?
5. Meet Your Needs
If you are codependent in any relationship, you are AWESOME at meeting everyone else's needs, while ignoring your own needs and wants.
Does this sound familiar?
We all have a range of emotional, spiritual, physical, and social needs. Find what needs you have and then find ways to meet them. If you feel lonely, reach out and set a date with a friend.
Self-sooth means to comfort yourself when unhappy or distressed.
It's time to finally give yourself permission to experience your feelings. Don't tell yourself not to feel a certain way; don't ignore your feelings, self-soothe. Take time out to find out what it is that will give you the calm and support you need to make you happy.
Becoming independent means, you can live according to your internal guidance system, instead of relying on someone else's sources. It is the key to leading a fulfilling life because you can't live an amazing life based on someone else's dream.
I stopped building someone else's dream and started to work on my own.