Episode #12 | Shut up! Love, Me…

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Liz Lima:    

Well, hello, hello. Today we're going to cover that stupid inner critic that you have inside of your head. I'm sure you've heard of it before and I'm sure that you have had really bad bouts with it and arguing with it and having just flat out massive just anger and just being frustrated with it. That's what I want to talk about today. This is our inner critic voice.

So what is it really? Your inner critic is the critical inner voice that you have. And it really is just a subpersonality. Think of it as this little Gremlin that's in your head and it really is there to judge you and it undermines you. It really is just this little a hole that's in your head really. And the voice that gives way to thoughts, which then lead to these feelings. So, in theory, this nagging voice is nothing that's good for you. It's not. And I'll go over, why does it happen. Because usually what I do is I'll explain why do things happen so that you have a better understanding and you'll be more aware and this will help you to continue and bettering yourself.

If you want to, clearly, I can't force you to do anything. But that's the whole point of this is to help you with anything that you're feeling in your life right now. So this inner critic, it really is, it's this awful destructive dialogue that's going on in your head. Now I will go over something that will show that there is a benefit of, let's say some criticism, but constructive criticism, right? I mean, there are times when we say, Oh, you know, I really want to be able to run a mile or be able to run a 5K, you know, and things like that. So there's constructive criticism when you start to run. Then you'll say, okay, so today I did this and let's see if I can do better next time. That's okay. But when you have this Gremlin, your head that's like, wow, you really suck. You really cannot run it all you. Maybe you should try something else. Maybe you should just not work out at all. That's, that's nonsense. That's what I'm talking about. That's the inner Gremlin that we're talking about.

So let's put some things into perspective here. There was this survey and 89% of the women that answered the survey said that they will prefer to compliment another woman, but they would not compliment themselves. Does that sound familiar? Have you noticed yourself doing that at all? 89% is very, very high.

This number is also really scary. Eight times. The average woman will criticize herself eight times a day. So it will either be about their looks, their accomplishment, or their career, but women will always find a fault with themselves. And I guarantee that I know myself included in the past, I've criticized myself way many more times than eight times a day, easily, like way back in the day, easily more than eight times a day. Have you done that? Are you currently doing that right now? Are you criticizing yourself more than eight times a day? This is something that, okay, maybe I really should think about stopping this inner critic. Maybe I really need to look into this, maybe become better at this.

I like to bring up a quote. I feel this quote will make you maybe a little more aware of, maybe I need to tame this little Gremlin in my head,

“you are confined only by the walls you build yourself.’

And let's be honest, this would mean if that inner critic in your head is hindering you from doing anything, it's another way that you're building up these walls that you won't be able to attain anything. This is the inner critic that is so critical that you won't even allow yourself to try something new. So you're building up your own walls. And I'm not saying I'm not guilty of this. I was very guilty of this and it took a long time, but I was able to fight, figure out ways that I'm going to share with you now, but figure out some ways of how to stop it. I said before, there are differences between constructive criticism and just this negative nonsense that we don't need at all.

Okay. So all right. Why, why do we, why do we even have this internal critic in our brains?

Well it causes self-doubt and it's a coping mechanism. So, this criticism, as I mentioned before, constructive criticism is great because it will help you to improve yourself. Maybe go after a goal, maybe achieve something that you want. That's fine. That's understandable. The thing that happens is that when it becomes negative over and over and over again, and then these patterns start forming and then you have this negative mindset more often, then you have a positive one about, yes, I really would like to do that. And I, I think I'm going to try it as opposed to I'm not even gonna think about that because there's no way in heck I'm even going to attempt anything like that. That's when it's an issue. And that's when we really think, okay, this is something that I have to address and this is something that I'm going to, I'm going to change.

Okay? So what can I do? I love to give you guys some quick tips, some things that you can implement now because you know theories all well and good, but if you don't have anything to go after or you don't have like maybe a step one or step two or something that you can start doing. A theory doesn't really help much. Sorry. But that's the way I feel. So this is why I always include some quick steps. Okay?

The first step as you have known before if you've listened to me before, is that I want you guys to be aware. And if you are aware, then this will help you to improve. So in this sense, I want you to start writing. I want you to get a journal. Get out a piece of paper, whatever type it, I don't care, but write out everything that is in your mind and write.

Write out your thoughts, write out the nasty thoughts. Write out everything that's happening because this will start getting your brain going. And you'll start to be aware and say, oh my God, am I really doing these things? Is this what's really happening? Am I allowing myself to say these things? So that step one, be aware. Start writing it out.

Step two, what have you done? Immediately after all of that has come out, I want you to write down

everything that you've have succeeded at. You have succeeded in many things in your life. The issue is that you probably don't think you've succeeded a lot of things in your life. And that's why you're going to write it right down. And you're going to write it down right now. So what have you done? Are you the best mom ever? Are you a kick-ass CEO? Are you an unbelievable Spaghetti bolognese maker? I have no idea where I just got that. But yeah, write it all down. You are amazing at things and I'm sure that you have succeeded in so many things, but you need to write it down and you need to be aware of that.

And number three is count your blessings. And it's true. Gratitude makes a huge difference. If you are able to write down the things that you're grateful for, it totally changed your perspective on everything. It change your mind, it'll make you just see how incredible life really is and what everything that you have right now is unbelievable. So I want you to do that. Count your blessings. So one is be aware. So write everything out, all that negative nonsense. Read it all out so you get it out on paper and you'll realize what are the things that you're saying to yourself.

And then step two is that you will then immediately write down all the things that you're amazing at and you were successful at. So then you're now you have accounting like a running count of like, okay, even though I'm saying all this stuff in my head, which is probably not true, right? You have all of these amazing things that you've done and you are pretty amazing. That's two and then three is your gratitude. Don't think it's like this. Woo fufu nonsense. Trust me, just do it. It'll make a big difference. Write down everything that you've been grateful for, everything that you were grateful for now and see how this will change. Now I know this is just like really quick snippets, but I want to keep these short just like I mentioned before because it's easy and quick and it's something that you can digest.

If it's like 10 to 15 minutes as opposed to going on for an hour, we'll save those for the interviews because they are pretty juicy, but what I have set up is that in starting next week I will have a 30-day challenge just for this topic. Every day I'm going to go over specific steps like what's going on? Why are you going through this negative noise? Why or why do you have this critical mind? What is happening?

And I go over how we're going to combat it, how we're going to go after it, what are things that we can do? It's, it's, it's really cool. Every day I'm going to cover a topic. I'll have a blog post for it because a lot of people like their medium by reading, but I will also have lives. We're all, we'll go over it and if you like to read like snippets, you can just go to the website which is Venuswarriors.com/inner critic and that's where you can get the updates for it.

So you will get the, automatically, you'll get an ebook and you will get a workbook that I worked on for this. You'll get that automatically when you enroll for the free challenge when you go to this website.

And then starting next week on Monday on April 29th I believe that's the date I will start the 30-day challenge within the venous warriors Facebook group. So if you do go to this link for the venuswarriors.com/inner critic. In the very first email, there will be a link at the bottom that will show you how you can be part of the free challenge within the private Venus Warriors Group on Facebook.

Okay, so if you do that, you can be part of it. You don't have to opt in if you don't want to be part of the group and that's fine, but we will go over questions there.

Every day I will mention what we're talking about, how you can, how you can stop it. Maybe look at different ways that we can combat this inner critic because I tell you, life is so much better when you can change the way that you just talking to yourself. It makes a massive difference and you may be in a point where, I don't know, you're just not feeling it right now, but it's true. The things that you can get from listening to yourself and understanding what is truly going on. Once you're aware, everything changes. It really does. Everything can change from one moment to the next and I'm not saying that it's going to be quick. It won't be quick, but what we'll be quick is how you do have this awareness and that will be quick and you'll be like, oh my God, I really am seeing these things to myself.

This is, this is something I need to work on. And that will start on April 29th thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I really hope that this has given you some insight on maybe something that you want to help yourself with and it'll just be fun. There'll be women in there that are going through the same thing as you, where it's a safe place and we can just be ourselves and drink wine at the same time because I like to drink wine. So thank you so much. I really appreciate all of you. I hope you're having an amazing day and talk soon. Bye Bye.

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