Episode #34 - Are You Too Self-Critical It Could Be Draining Your Confidence - Liz Lima - Podcast

Are You Too Self-Critical? It Could Be Draining Your Confidence


In today’s podcast, I talked about Self Evaluation: Confidence and Self-Critic. Confidence is a combination of mirroring your inner critic and supporter altogether. Self-analysis allows us to know ourselves better and take responsibility for our choices and decisions. Just a balance of evaluation of the pros and cons of circumstances can preserve our confidence. It gets you a clearer vision of what your goal is and the steps needed to achieve it. If balance is not kept well, it may be detrimental to your perception of yourself. Being too critical can overpower self-trust with fear. And fear often hinders you from exploring things.

Self-analysis can help us learn about ourselves. It can help us see that we are not perfect and give us the right balance of doing what is right and doing whatever we want, no matter the circumstance. People who aren’t introspective often blame others for all problems, even when it’s their fault. However, you can overdo it to the point where you are knocking yourself. When you get to this point, you can be jeopardizing your confidence. You need to find the right balance of learning about yourself and keeping up your self-esteem.

Always evaluate every situation you find yourself involved with. Don’t make assumptions as they can be wrong, without the right information. You want to make sure that you have covered all the bases before making any determinations. You want to eliminate any possibility that you are the cause of any negative situations. If you are, own up to it and try to make the situation right.

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But, don’t just take the blame for everything. If you discover that you are not the cause, then speak up and let that be known. Self-critical people will tend to blame themselves automatically. This can bring down your spirits over time. It’s okay to help others when they are the responsible party. When you do this, they will be more willing to help you when you are at fault.

It’s important to pick your battles, too. If you find something minor that came up, you may want to let it go. Sometimes, it can even be worth taking the fall for these minor situations. It won’t have much impact, and by doing this, you can help everyone involved to move forward.

If you take the fall for major things, you are setting up to make the situation worse. The person who is truly responsible will continue to act in a detrimental way because you let them get away with it. If you are taking the blame for everything, it’s time to stop. It’s not helping, and you may not be able to reverse what people believe about you. Many people do this to keep the peace, but in the end, it’s not good for anyone. Responsible parties need to take responsibility, and the only way that will happen is to stand up to the culprits. By doing so, you will gain more confidence and make each of these situations right.

I will be releasing a book soon and you can have a sneak peek of what’s it about by clicking this link, www.venuswarriors.com/tribe. I hope to share more with you guys and I long to learn more from all of you, too.

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Liz Lima:

What's up Venus Warriors? This is episode 34 and today we're talking about self evaluation, which a k a means confidence, self critic, all that good stuff. So thanks for joining. I really talk about this confidence piece a lot and to me confidence really boils down to a lot of things. Confidence, self esteem, self worth belief in yourself, loving yourself. To me, that's all of it. Confidence is not just this one thing. It encompasses all of this. But today when I want to talk about is that are you too self critical? Because if you're too self critical, it could be draining your confidence. So let's get into it.

Liz Lima:

All right. So, this idea, self analysis, right? Scanning internally can help you learn a lot about yourself. And it's good. It's good to do. And it can help you to see that a, you're not perfect. I'm not perfect. No one's perfect. Don't believe anyone that seems so perfect, right? Everything is airbrushed. See, I love like this video per se because I can't touch it up. So this is it what I look like. So, but, and self scanning also gives you this, this idea of like, all right, how can I balance my life? Like, so I understand like what I should do, what's right for me, things like that. And, and it also gives you this ability of saying, okay, what is it that I really want in my life? So you'll scan internally and say, okay, this is what I really want.

Liz Lima:

So this is what I should be doing. And a lot of times people that do not do this self analysis, internal scanning, you'll notice that they usually blame everyone for everything. They'll blame anything in any and everyone that is the cause of their problem, right? They are not the one at faults. How do you know anyone like that? I know a lot of people like that. These people don't, they don't, they don't do a self analysis. They don't do an internal scan. So it's good to do this. Yes. But what I want to focus on is that you can do it too much. You can overdo it and when do you know you're overdoing it when you're overdoing it is when now you're starting to be critical and you're starting to knock yourself down and you're starting to trash yourself internally. So when you get to that point, that's when you're jeopardizing your confidence.

Liz Lima:

That's when your confidence is now going to start going from here to here, even to possibly here. Okay? So we need to find this balance of learning about yourself and to keep up your self esteem, right? To keep up the confidence, because it's fine. It's good to do this internal scan. If you are aware and you're listening to this right now, then you're improving yourself. And that's awesome. Right? If there's anything that you want to get in your life as in, if there's anything that you want to better yourself with being aware as number one and for you to be watching this, you're aware that's a massive step. So celebrate that. Absolutely. Because a lot of people are just going through life like this, this blankness, they're just going and no goal. They're just moving with the motions. Right. Okay. So evaluate situations that you get into because you can get to a point of when, I talk about this in one of my speeches is that there's a point where feelings and negative thoughts caused by ecological thinking, which means disruptive thoughts.

Liz Lima:

So when you're in an in a situation, I want you to evaluate it, but don't assume that you're wrong. Don't assume that you're wrong right away. Okay? I'm not saying, you know, you need to evaluate it and you need to look at it clearly and have the correct information. So you want to be able to say, okay, have I looked at this situation clearly unbiased? And it's difficult. I'm not saying that this is going to be easy, right? Nothing in life is easy. Sorry. But that's okay because you'll be advancing yourself and you'll be getting better. So that's good, right? So evaluate the situation, make sure it's an unbiased review and try and get all the right information that you need at that point. And then you can say, okay, let's make some, let's make some analysis on this. You don't want to start with the negative.

Liz Lima:

And if you do realize like, okay, I jumped to a conclusion, I may have spoken out of emotion too quickly, then, okay, A, you're aware. B, you realized it and C, fess up to it. It doesn't matter. Right? Own it. If you've done it and you know that it was probably not the right in the right and you did, you know, you either reacted too, didn't think about, etc, just fess up to it. And on top of that, the other person will be appreciative of it and there'll be an, and it will completely change the relationship for the better. Okay? But that doesn't mean that you will take the blame for everything, right? If you see that you're in this situation and you've completely evaluated it and you're saying, okay, you know what, I actually did not react, right? I was good in this situation.

Liz Lima:

Then bring it up with the ability of saying, okay, this is what's going on, this is how it's being perceived. Let's go over it. Right? And these are things that probably won't happen too often. You know, these things can happen. Some type of conflict within like a, you know, maybe some type of relationship maybe within your, in your job, things like that. But the thing that I want to focus on here is if you are super self critical, then you're probably going to blame yourself first, automatically. And that's what I want to cover. Okay? It'll bring you down. If you're like that all the time, it's going to bring you down. You're probably living in this low, right? I know that back the years ago when I was super overweight, everything, I mean my life was Uber negative, right? We tend to have this, this, jump to conclusion.

Liz Lima:

We usually jump to conclusions way too quickly and we usually blame ourselves so fast, right? Anybody, feel like that? Was it just me? Have you ever felt like that? I know that I did. And so this is stuff that you just, you'll learn if you want to right, you'll grow and evolve as time goes on. So if you understand that you are blaming yourself for everything, it's time to stop. It's time to reevaluate because if you're blaming yourself all the time, it's not helping, right? Just like I said, it's bringing you from here down to here. And if you keep doing from here to here, it's so easy to go from here to here with that critical talk over and over and over again. But it's a lot harder to get from here back up to here, right? But if you are here and listening to this and saying, okay, I really want to work on this, then you can and you will.

Liz Lima:

So recognize that if you are too self critical that you're going to catch yourself every time you say something. So keep a mental tally, read it down right in your phone. I do voice notes all the time on my phone. Write it out. What does it, when it happens, if you can drop memo, this is what I just said or say exactly what you did say. And at the end of the day, look at what you've said to yourself because in the moment, and we'll go fast, right? It's happening in, it's happening. It's just go super fast. And then you would be surprised if you look at that list and you say, my God, is this what I'm really saying to myself all day? You will be super surprised. So be aware, take a tally, see where you're coming from. And then the best way to combat this is that from what you saw of what you, of what you said to yourself, change it to a positive.

Liz Lima:

Right? So let's say, my God, I can't believe, let's just, let's just say there was layoffs, right? And no one, and a lot of times you, you can't determine when a lab is going to happen. Well, let's just say you were laid off, right? What's the first thing that you said to yourself? Did you say something where, my God, I can't believe I'm so stupid. I just got laid off. My God, I how? How am I going to support my family? You know, all these things that are just going to happen. This is just an example. If you say, Oh my God, I'm so stupid. I can't believe that I got laid off. What's, what is the reverse of that? Right? It's not necessarily your performance is what caused the layoff. It could have been there were way too many people in the department and they're just downsizing, right?

Liz Lima:

And I know that that is a difficult situation, but you interpret it as a difficult situation. And a lot of people may or may not agree with that, but it's true. Some people may see, oh my God, thank God, because that job was draining. It was sucking the life out of me. Now I can finally pursue something that I really want to do, different perspective, a different way to look at it. So I'm going to do a series this, this coming, let's say maybe four weeks, five weeks on on different ways about confidence and self esteem and all of that because I've just created a brand new speech on it I hoping and that well hoping is not a strategy. I know that in the future coming months because my book is coming out soon. Yes, either by the end of July or early August and I do have a speech that goes along with confidence, self esteem, self belief and I also have one that goes really closely with a book about empowerment and how you can easily empower yourself.

Liz Lima:

But that's it. Thanks so much for being here. I really appreciate all of you listening and if you want to stay in the know of exactly knowing when the book is going to come out because I am going to do a sneak peek preview. I am going to give my listeners and viewers a free ebook download when I launch ad. To be on that list. The website to go to is Venuswarriors.com/tribe t, r I, B e, and that will put you on the list for the very sneak peek preview the book. When it comes out, you'll have a free, I'll send you the free link for the digital download and then you can read it and you can say that it was amazing.

Liz Lima:

Yeah, I know. It's okay. Don't tell me what's bad. I mean, be very kind. No, I'm kidding. I want you to be honest. Right? I wrote it because it was the journey that I went through and when I healed my wounds, that's how I've been able to help others and that's what I'm doing and that's, that's it. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. All of you. I hope you have an amazing week and I will talk to you soon.

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