Episode #40 - How to Overcome Social Anxiety- Liz Lima - Blog Post

How to Overcome Social Anxiety


In today’s blog post, I delved more into confidence and overcoming social anxiety. A lot of people feel shy and uncomfortable being in a crowd of unfamiliar faces. It’s not like everybody make friends instantly. Some do though, and it’s a gift to be able to feel like yourself in front of everybody. That’s the power of confidence and with it, we can transform anxiety to agreeable situations.

Overcoming social anxiety takes practice. You have to expose yourself over and over again to circumstances that will allow you to build self-assurance and courage to be yourself in a sea of people. It’s not easy at first but it does get better. First, you have to accept an invite. You have to go out there. And when you’re out there, observe. Try to look at how people engage in conversations. You’ll learn a lot by observing. When a chance arrives, you have to grab it. Make small talks, respond to questions at your own pace.

Venus Warriors - Woman Empowerment Movement - Ultimate Guide - Liz Lima

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Tell me where to send this guide and I'll email it to you right away!

This guide can help you find your inner venus warrior.

People can surprise you if you just let them. Overcoming social anxiety will actually get you to see people in a better light and you could get to enjoy their company if you let it.

I’m working on a book right now and it’s all about that connection within the community, that what you’re going through, you’re not going through alone. You can check more of it here, https://venuswarriors.kartra.com/page/iamenoughbs. 

Are you one to easily introduce yourself during social gatherings with unknown people? Or, are you one to wait for others to make the introductions? Do you dread the prospect of even being at these functions? Social anxiety is a real affliction that affects many people. But, there are solutions.

When you are at a social function, keep in mind others are feeling the same as you. Some people are naturally outgoing. They have no problem introducing themselves. If you are not an outgoing person, try to determine the reasons. If you can identify them, you can take proper steps to reverse the situation.

People who are introverted tend to avoid social situations as much as possible. This is the exact opposite of what they should be doing. Like anything else, the more exposure you have to these functions, the easier they become. If you attend many functions throughout the year, you will leave yourself no choice but to talk to people.

If you can find people you know who can make introductions for you, that will make the situation easier. These people can act as buffers and can provide for any lulls in conversations. Because they know both parties being introduced, they can give some background information about each. This often starts the conversation flowing.

You may not know people who can make introductions for you. If so, wait a few minutes for the outgoing people to work the room. Then, take the plunge and introduce yourself to the outgoing people. They are easy to approach and they can then act as the buffer and make introductions.

Try to have a list of icebreakers that you can use to make the conversations easier. Some of the more common ones are the weather and what people do for a living. Try to stay away from religion or politics as topics. This has the potential to get heated and will cause more anxiety. Sports can be a good topic, but not everyone follows. It’s best to use this when you hear others already engaged in sports-related conversations.

Another topic that can be used in conversations is the reason why you are gathering in the first place. If you are in a technology conference, for example, start talking tech with others.

It’s interesting that social media allows people to be more reserved and less willing to participate in physical meetings. It’s easier to hide behind a username.

Check out these blogs for more:

Liz:

Welcome back to Venus Warriors. This is episode 40 and I'm going to continue on with what we were talking about with confidence, but today I want to talk a little bit about how to overcome social anxiety. So it goes hand in hand with confidence. And I know that this was a big deal for me way back in college that I used to be super awkward in social settings and I was just just shy and I just didn't feel comfortable. So then I finally learned this term of social anxiety because I never really understood what that meant. And I guess now I understood at that time where I was like, oh, it's when I was really uncomfortable just getting thrown into some, you know, group of people or if I wanted to go out with some friends and there's just all these other people that I didn't know.

Liz:

So it took time, but I no longer have that type of anxiety, but it's just because it took time to get there and the time that it took to get there, we just practiced. That's all. It's all it took was just doing it over and over and over again. But the thing about the social anxiety is that you really need to say, okay, is this something that I even want to get over? Right? I mean, it can be fine if you don't want to be that super extrovert and just go into these, to these, you know, gatherings or whatever that's up to you, right? If this is something that you want to achieve and let's say it's even a conference for work, or maybe you know you're an entrepreneur and that you'd want to go to these type of celebrations or gatherings or workshops or whatever because you want to improve what you're doing or you want to learn more so that you're doing better, well then there's going to be a time where you're gonna have to get over it, right?

Liz:

And you say, okay, Liz, that's so easy for you to say, just get over it. It's not that easy. I get it. Like I just told you, it's not easy. I totally get it because I had to do the same thing. But what I learned from practice and just doing it over and over again is that you just have to keep going, right? You have to face the fear and do it anyway. And that's with anything. It doesn't matter what it is. But there are some tips and some little tricks that I figured out to get better at these social situations. And one of them is, no, don't like drank a ton because that doesn't help because that really doesn't help. I've seen people do that because they're just so anxious and then they're just a sloppy mess. So don't do that. But one thing that you can do is look like step into the crowd, right?

Liz:

Go to the gathering, whatever it is, and just observe at first. And you'll notice that there are the extroverts, there's the ones like you would see me that talks to anyone. Those are the people that will be the easiest to talk to. You should go up to them and that will make you feel more comfortable because they have no problem speaking to anybody. And it will help you and say, oh, okay, at least this person's talking to me. And you'll have that comfort of feeling, all right. You know, this is not so bad. So go and look for the extroverts, get into a conversation with them, get into that flow and you'll feel so much better. That's one thing that I used to do when I was in these situations. But another thing too is to think about, okay, where are you? What is this gathering?

Liz:

Is it for entrepreneur stuff? Is it for, you know, whatever conference for your career that you're in. You know, is it a tech conference? Is it a science conference? Whatever it is, and figure it, guess what? All those people are there for the same reason, right? This, they're also interested in that topic. So you can talk about that. Right? And the other thing that really took me a while to really think about this, because when you're in yourself, like in your head, you're thinking that you're the only one that's uncomfortable. And that's so not true. So majority of the people that are there as well, maybe not like the five extra super, super extroverts, but the other people are probably feeling the same exact way that you are. So go ahead and help them out too. So go ahead and start that conversation. Just introduce yourself.

Liz:

Say, Hey, my name's Liz. You know, I'm so excited to be here, or I really excited to learn more about this. Or, you know, I'm a little apprehensive or scared or whatever about, you know, this such big crowd or you know, whatever it is, just start a conversation because those people are probably feeling the same exact way that you are feeling. And that's one thing that goes throughout anything in our lives is that we always think that, you know, oh my God, it's like it's me, me, me, me. Right? You're always in your head and you're thinking and guess what? Everyone else was thinking the same thing cause no one really cares what you're thinking right now. And because they're all thinking about themselves, like you're watching this or listening to this right now and you're thinking the same thing. You can either be like, Liz, I'm totally with you.

Liz:

Or like, okay, this chick doesn't know what the hell she's talking about, but one of the other, you're in your head and it's all about how you're thinking and how you're perceiving. So guess what? Everyone else is doing the same thing. Everyone else's in their own head. So take life that way. Understand that, hey, no one really cares what I'm doing because no one's really watching me because they're all so concerned about themselves. There you go. So that's some tips that you can use. I don't know how many of you may have felt this social anxiety or super uncomfortable. If I'm totally off base, tell me, write me a comment. Let me know that maybe you feel completely different and this has nothing to do with how you're feeling and that it's completely asinine or whatever because this is what I've done and it works.

Liz:

I'm a complete extrovert now and I love going out and my husband hates it because he's an introvert and I get all this energy from other people and he just wants to sit home and gain his energy that way. And I don't know. I don't get it. So there you go. Um, but thanks for watching and listening. The book is coming out soon. We're on second edits now. Really exciting. If you're not on the list to find out what's going on, I just sent one out about what cover photo to use. I'm asking everyone for their help because this book is for people like you that maybe you know, you've gone through the stuff that I've gone through or maybe you know, it's best to find out what someone else has gone through that you're not the only one going through it and that you can get through it.

Liz:

And that's what the book is all about. It's all about how you can achieve whatever it is. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what it is, but understanding the stories and listening to what someone else has gone through and how they overcome it can help you in doing the same thing. So the website is, IamenoughBS.com and that you can enter an email, you get all the information about what's coming. And it's really exciting because now we're on a second edit and now we're going to design the cover. So I'll probably be sending things out there too. I already asked about a headshot. So in the photo, and I'm asking for Info, right? This is a collaboration project. This is because I'm writing it for, for people like you to help you guys out and everything that I've gone through and maybe it'll help you and if it just helps one person, that's awesome.

Liz:

I've succeeded. That's all I'm thinking about and that's what it's all about. So thanks so much. You can get on that and when you're done with that, then you can get in the private group that we have on Facebook, it's the Venus warriors group and they're, I throw a lot of other things like I do in the podcast, but I go into a lot more detail about certain topics and what you can do and things like that. And people seem to enjoy it. So Hey, I'm going to keep doing it because people seem to like it. Thanks so much. I truly appreciate all of you. If you like this, subscribe and get the updates, share it with someone and leave a comment so that I can cover something that you're really wanting me to talk about and yeah, that's it. Thank you so much. See Ya. Bye.

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